Online Dating Part 1: Dare to Date Online

Online Dating Part 1: Dare to Date Online

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© Stuart Miles/123RF

Online Dating is hot in Paris. That means love is in the air because it has never been easier to hook up and find fun and romance. If you’re in Paris, or somewhere lonely right now, then perhaps this is the year for you to take up, or come back to, online dating. What do we say to those that are single, bored, or perhaps just unsatisfied?

Carpe Diem we say . . . seize online dating today!

Taken fresh from their upcoming book, “His Advice for Her, Her Advice for Him”, Lindsay A. Gordon and Laura-Jane Wareing have penned a 3-part series for INSPIRELLE that gives you the tips to survive and then thrive within the world of online dating. The two writers met e-dating years ago; sparks did not fly but the creative juices flowed and produced a successful writing collaboration. Here, Lindsay and Laura-Jane offer their observations from both a male and female perspective.

We say: Dare to date online!

It’s time for a change.
It’s time to date online.

Danielle, American online dater in Paris. © Cindy Lin

You say: But why date online?

Lindsay: Why would you use online dating? Why not be romantic instead and meet your partner randomly through friends or at a party? Or try a blind date? What fun! Actually, most people that choose to meet “organically” do so at work since that is where they spend a lot of time. In any case, meeting Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect with the organic method is very hit and miss, as many divorcees will tell you. Through six degrees of separation you may have access to 1,000 people and from them, one may be your perfect match who likely will already be taken. With e-dating, we have the opposite problem. You can find 1,000 perfect matches from a casted net of 100,000 Mr. Wrongs and Ms. Terribles.

Josiah, online dater. © Cindy Lin

Creating an E-dating Account

Lindsay: Much like Facebook, you create an account on your chosen website or application and upload a photo of yourself and write a description of who you are. You will include what makes you tick and who you’re looking for. There are several parameters you’ll be asked to enter much like a survey: How tall are you? Are you looking for a man or a woman? Are you a man or a woman? Where do you live? How much do you make? How much does your perfect man or woman make? Sex on the first date? Looking to get married? Are you already divorced? Any STDs? Worse than that question: HOW OLD ARE YOU? HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?

If you feel these questions are a little too personal then you’d be right. This is one common reason that a significant portion of humanity is too scared to use e-dating. However, be assured that super-personal questions are always optional and that you can choose a more modest website or application to suit your e-dating needs.

Laura-Jane: Life is no bowl of cherries so there will always be yin and yang, as there is with everything.

So go with it, or run away but I dare you to hide from the tidal launch pad of excitement upon which e-dating sits.

It’s a dating wave that ain’t budging or picking up anchor for remoter shores. It’s a phenomenon that’s here to stay.

Olga, Russian, online dater in Paris. © Cindy Lin

You ask: OK, then what happens on an actual date?

Laura-Jane: There are always the bright sparks, the profiles that bowl you over. And alongside them, there are the chaps who obviously have that certain je ne sais quoi but it’s little more than skin deep. The pretty boys. The ones who either contact you then gently try to persuade you to send more photos of yourself or to Skype from home, possibly in your underwear. And the ones who look yummy, are gentlemanly but have other agendas, sexual agendas.

I had one last dalliance on a selective dating site before finding the love of my life online. Yes, girls, it does happen!

© Karen Roach/123RF

 

Laura-Jane: This last dude was easy to connect with. He revealed a wonderful imagination and sparked a real fascination in me. We connected very quickly online. Lots of lofty yet chitter-chattering emails and texts. He was an artist, someone who simply had a naturally florid and canny pen.

After a few weeks, we broke the scripting code and met in London town. It was great. He got me and I got him. He had so much inventiveness, artfulness, which spun me away. Brimming like an overfilled teacup I sat and listened, leaving the leaves to ruminate once he left.

What happened? We followed the curve and it led us to a great friendship, a friendship that stays gold. Were there feelings? Yes, there were. But sometimes it’s all about timing and having the right shoe fit. Sometimes we miss a boat, but it’s a boat we were never meant to be on anyway.

Tip to be unleashed here: never close the door. Ride the wave and you will evolve. Perhaps even find a little more of who you are and what you want to be.

Join us for part 2 of our series about online dating in which we will talk about being safe while online and offer a curated list of online dating services. Share your e-dating stories with us in the comments below!

*Portrait photos courtesy of Cindy Lin who is producing an online photographic series in Paris with online daters.

Lindsay Gordon & Laura Jane Wareing
Lindsay A Gordon (@AuthorLAG) is an Australian writer living in Paris since the Charlie Hebdo attack. A strong supporter of the arts, he is Producer for the Paris poetry series, “Angora Poets” and Art Director for the global event “100,000 Poets for Change”. Current projects: writer for INSPIRELLE; co-writing a script for a French producer; a book called, "Outback in Australia and Paris", editing a new book from Jude Cowan Montague (UK); writing “The View from Paris” series which is published in the USA; and co-writing a book on e-dating with LJ Wareing. .............................................................................................................. Laura-Jane Wareing (LJ) is an English mum of two young children living in the leafy suburbs of West London. With a background in criminal law, LJ used her skills to help the needy and started her career as a healthcare consultant working in communications, crisis management and improving efficiencies in the NHS. Today, she sits on the board of governors for Chelsea and Westminster hospital and is also director of a business training and coaching company. Throughout she has had a love of writing and this has involved editing and a production of articles on various topics.

10 COMMENTS

  1. This is a great article! And seems to be the start of a great, informative series! I will be sure to send this to my single friends in Europe to help them navigate the dating waters. I am a huge advocate for trying out online dating as it’s just another way to meet people- so why not? Both my fiancé and I used online dating- though ironically we never crossed paths on there and met in “real life”- but that’s the point. Your future spouse could very well be on there! So use articles like this to help you navigate today’s rambunctious dating world – just be safe! Maybe future article in series could cover safety tips!

    • True Mara,

      Your future life-partner was available using online dating but you were even more lucky to run into him in real life. Congrats. Our articles (and book) will be useful to guide anyone in the world about how to make the most of online dating while avoiding all the pitfalls. It’s all about turning online dating into real dating as soon as possible, in a safe way. Article 2 will answer your request by serving up some safety essentials about online dating. As usual, you’ll get both the man’s and woman’s point of view for us!

      Best,
      Lindsay

  2. Still not convinced. It’s more efficient, but can romance be stream-lined like everything else? Not sure. What about that ‘frisson’ of noticing someone somewhere where you least expect it? Noticing something they say, not even directly to you, that leaves you wondering, this person is unusual, or interesting, or funny, or kind. Or that ‘frisson’ of being noticed. And not by someone who’s not out shopping for it. Also prefer to meet someone in a crowd so you can see how they interact. But I remain interested in other viewpoints.

    • Hey there Ruth I totally get the frisson aspect and exhilarating impact point ..but life is so fluttering, there are just so many angles to our worlds these days that there is something kind of sexy about looking online. A chase and frisson of a very different kind but it’s also an expanding possibility to meet that special match!
      And as so many sages have said before you just don’t know until you try -LauraJ Author

  3. Hi L & L,

    Great article. Thank you.

    I’m looking forward to the tips on staying safe on-line. I’ve had some bizarre experiences on social media platforms and am a bit gun-shy, as Americans say.

    Do either of you have any quick advice on how to screen out on-line predators or even which sites have better results in advance of your article?

    Thank you so much.

    Isabella

  4. Thank you for the insights into the mysteries of online dating! I have several friends who have met the love of their lives through online dating, and others who are just enjoying the fun!

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