The French are good at many things. They make great cuisine – just think of the wonderful bread, cheese and wine (yum!). They know how to look glamorous even if it’s just going shopping for milk. They also know how to enjoy food without gaining weight (so jealous!). And – it’s no secret that they are skilled in the ways of love and sex. I mean, they don’t call the French the holy grail of international lovers for nothing, right?
If you want to be skilled and attentive like a French lover, here are three ways to spice up your sex life:
Slowing down and savoring the sensations:
Sex begins the moment we decide to be intimate with our lover. That’s where the French get it right, they understand the concept of slowness and savoring sensations.
The key to being a great lover is to enjoy sex to the fullest. This means tuning deep into your body and to focus on every sensation from beginning to end. Just think how you enjoy delicious French food that tastes orgasmic in your mouth. You savor every moment of it, right?! Here’s the thing…you want to do the same with sex and it’s all about slowing down! The key is to stay in the moment, with no end goal in mind. Just think of it as meditation. Close your eyes, breathe and feel like you’re going slow, before going one step slower. Feel every breath, touch, and movement of the tongue, and allow those sensations to pulse through you in a state of complete awareness.
To sum it up, when we slow down and savor the moment, it allows you to focus on the sensation instead of your performance, which is very easy to get caught up in when it comes to sex. It’s about deeply feeling the experience as it happens, instead of trying to achieve some orgasmic goal which can often lead to feeling under pressure to speed up and deliver.
Discovering erogenous zones:
The French are passionate and adventurous. They think of sex as a natural act which means there isn’t a lot of shame or taboo when it comes to having sex. Being a great lover is all about being adventurous and open to discovering each other’s erogenous zones. Do you know which parts of your body (other than your genitals) lead to your arousal?
A great way to be a passionate and attentive lover is to turn up the heat and stimulate secondary, or less obvious erogenous zones before the primary ones. Start off with feet and hands, then toes and fingers, before caressing and teasing behind the knees and elbows (don’t be afraid to use your mouth). Then slowly move your way to the neck, ears, inner thighs and nipples. Arousing these areas first can increase pleasure through anticipation, as your body and mind are in the erotic zone before the primary erogenous zones have even been caressed.
Don’t forget to use teasing words and erotic storytelling (don’t be shy to use some erotic French words) because the brain is the biggest erogenous zone and plays a major role in arousal.
Learn more from intimacy and relationship coach Nathalie Sommers here.
Parlez-vous français ou Italien?
Do you both speak the same language in the bedroom? It’s great to use the words “oui” & “encore”, but there’s more to the mysterious art of eroticism. We all have different pathways to arousal and it is all about understanding and speaking your lover’s sex language. You may speak French in the bedroom and love “doing it” the French way, but what if your partner speaks Italian? We often think we all speak the same language in the bedroom, because sex is sex, right?! But here’s the thing, we’re not all sexually wired the same way, which makes it important we understand and feed each other in our desire.
The best way to do that is to get your Jacques Cartier (a French explorer) hat on and set off on a journey of discovery. Maybe your partner’s erotic language is French and they like to experience anticipation, tease and light hovering touches. Or maybe they speak Italian and get aroused by nudity and love orgasms and they think sex is fun and there to help them relax. Or do they speak Spanish and they long for passionate and sensual sex, where they have all their senses engaged (surroundings are important)?
As you can see, it’s all about mastering each other’s erotic language and the fun thing is, the discovery never stops. If you’re not sure what your erotic language is, why not take the Erotic Blueprint Quiz, which will help you to understand both your own and your partner pathway to arousal.