“Justyna, I just can’t do it. I really thought I could but it’s just too much. I’m sorry, I have to go back” I was shocked. I had never expected to get this call from a client, much less one that I had been working with to plan his relocation for over a year. I reassured him that there was nothing to be sorry for, and that my team would handle everything. How did this happen? What went wrong?
The truth is, nothing went wrong.
Moving is hard in general, and moving to a new country is a whole different beast.
When you decide to relocate to a new country, it can be easy to be swept up in the fantasy of it – imagining your new life, planning what you’ll do, who you’ll be. Then the planning of it all becomes all-consuming, the stress of waiting for your visa, trying to rent an apartment, deciding what stays and what goes. When the dust finally settles and you wake up in your new home to a new bed and a new life, it’s terrifying! The next few weeks, or even months, can feel isolating. Things that once were simple, like grocery shopping, are now new and unfamiliar.
I remember this feeling when I first moved to France from Poland in 2007. I realized that my client and I couldn’t be alone in this feeling, so I asked my fellow expat friends about it. Every time I brought it up they would immediately launch into the story of their “Oh sh*t, what have I done” moment. What seemed perilous at the time is now a funny anecdote years later as they reflect on how glad they are they stuck it out and made a home here. I decided to call this phenomenon the “Expat Blues”.
Understanding the Expat Blues
As the CEO and Co-founder of Your Friend in Paris, a relocation agency based in Paris, I realized that my services were not complete. How can we make Paris our clients’ home if we don’t help them beat the Expat Blues and truly settle into their new life? The morning after that frantic call, I got an email in my inbox from the same client: “Hey Justyna, We talked it over and we’ve decided to stay. Thank you for all your help. Sorry for the drama.”
I couldn’t let that be the end of it. What had changed? How did I know for sure that this person I had become friends with over the course of the past year would be okay here and feel at home? How could I help my other clients?
I reached out to my client and invited him and his husband over for dinner with my family the following evening. We talked, ate, laughed, and maybe had a glass of wine… or two (but who’s counting?) By the end of the evening, we had gotten down to the root of the issue.
When expats first arrive in a new country, they often have no friends, family, or community to call their own. They don’t have anyone to ask about how to get their Navigo, or to complain about how they can’t find their favorite snack anywhere.
We decided it was time to live up to our name, to be a Friend in Paris, and create our own expat community for our clients. Since then, we’ve started up our Facebook Group again, started having in-person events, and added the position of Community Manager to our company. Now, when a client arrives in Paris, our Community Manager reaches out to them to see if they’d like to meet for coffee, ask them if they have any questions, and help them beat those pesky Expat Blues.
How to Beat the Expat Blues
So, if you aren’t a part of our community, how do you find one in Paris and beat the expat blues? A great place to start is by joining expat groups and organizations. Our team compiled a list of some favorite organizations in our article “How to Make Friends in Paris”, which you can find on our blog.
One of my biggest pieces of advice for those dealing with the Expat Blues is to just put yourself out there. Go to events, go to museums, go to parks, and don’t be afraid to try to introduce yourself to others! This can come more naturally in settings where you likely share interests with other people. Some examples of this could be the gym, concerts, karaoke nights at your local bar, cooking classes, painting nights, and more.
For more ideas on how to connect with other women in Paris, read INSPIRELLE’s post Community Connections: Women’s Groups to Plug You Into Paris
Final Pieces of Advice
My parting piece of advice to those struggling with the Expat Blues is this: Good things take time.
Paris will not feel like home when you arrive, or even after weeks, and sometimes even months. It won’t happen all at once either, but with time and consistent effort, you’ll learn how to navigate life here and become comfortable and at ease in the situations that make you nervous now. The one thing I can promise you is that it is worth it! You didn’t decide to move to Paris for no reason, you came here because you know that this is where you’re meant to be. Take a deep breath. Remember that you can do this, and that this is exactly where you are supposed to be right now.
