Disclaimer: I am a woman in Paris, looking for a man. Maybe these observations are the same for other orientations and locations. I hear there are a lot of men-with-fish photos on American dating apps. No fish that I’ve seen in France.
Another disclaimer: My target demographic is silver foxes. Maybe these observations are the same for millennials and Gen Z. Maybe not. Either way, please let me know in the comments. I welcome all current information.
Yet another disclaimer: I was out of the dating scene from 1991 to 2020. Everything changed in that time. The internet, complementarian/egalitarian theology, Tinder, covid, #metoo, third and fourth-wave feminism. How has that changed my attitude toward dating? I’ll tell you how. In 1991, I was like a Jane Austen heroine, sitting in her living room waiting for the menfolk to swing by. Now, I am an empowered goddess, making informed decisions, paying my own bills, living my truth and smelling the roses along the way.
Whether you view this article as information or entertainment, here are some types of French bachelors I’ve encountered on the dating apps.
The Minimalist
These guys put up one grainy photo of themselves with their name and age. Sometimes a couple of emojis. Ladies, are you clicking on this half-assed effort? If so, why?
The Lost Boy
These are the young men that say they are 50+ to let the algorithm throw them into my orbit, then reveal that they are actually 23.
“I am looking for an older woman, one who can show me life’s pleasures from a mature perspective. If you would like to spend time with someone young and energetic, swipe right.”
No judgment, just not my thing. I’m more of a house cat than a cougar.
The Poet
These guys come in strong with a line that makes you think they’re intellectual and romantic all at once. Often they just have the quote, no bio. I guess the poetry is all you need to know about them?
It is not because the man is thirsty for love that he throws himself on the first gourd.
Love is a magnificent disaster: knowing that you’re driving into a wall, and accelerating all the same.
Forgive my lips, they find pleasure in the most unexpected places.
I do love some swoon-worthy poetry, but I’d like a little information, too. Maybe that works better on the French ladies than on this practical Anglo-Saxon.
The Novelist
There is no such thing as a creative writing degree in French universities, and I think I know why—words are in their DNA. They don’t need to study it.
Some guys make up their own story:
“You and me on a boat, we’re the only crew, you’re next to me and you’re naked.” (The story went on from there and let me tell you it was a good one.)
Some wax romantic:
A friend, a partner, a lover, a confidant. To share a life, to live with passion, to look at the horizon unafraid. A look, a smile, to close the eyes, to breathe a wish, to laugh together at sunset. Even the rain is sweet when there are two of us.
Some toot their horn really beautifully:
I am a single, respectful, management-level professional, with a big house and a yard. I love restaurants, movies, museums, concerts, travel, flying, horse riding, golf, and skiing. I am tall, fit, and sexually dominant.
The Let’s Get it On Guy
It’s good to know yourself, to know what you want. These dudes definitely do.
Former rugby player, cerebral and sensual. Dark eros and spirituality. Alphas welcome. Experimental. Petplay, ropes, slow sex. Trainings.
“I am Jean, Parisien single. I want to caress your thighs with my beard.”
I am married, but free. Let’s meet and explore our carnal sides. Mutual respect and confidence. Discretion. Monday-Thursday.
The Grouch
How do they have the energy to put this much mental effort into what kind of woman they don’t want?
I’m looking for my alter ego, so spiritual elegance and refined simplicity are a must.
If you are a feminist, vegan, neo-ultra leftist, bossy, bipolaire, princess, asshole, or married, please swipe left.
Sometimes they message me personally:
You are very pretty for your age, but choose the right path and take care of yourself.
“You are still single because you are too picky about men.”
Left swipes all around. I’m looking for love, not negativity.
Curious to learn more about the dating scene in Paris from Yvonne Hazelton? Click here or here for more fun and funny insights.
The Guy Next Door
Even ordinary guys with ordinary wishes have got serious verbal game in France.
I am looking for a beautiful meeting, with joie de vivre and honesty and humor. I am open-minded and free to meet new people for a glass of wine, a dinner, or whatever life chooses to gift me with.
“I am not looking for a woman to live with. I am looking for a woman with whom I can live more fully.”
Frankly, we only have a few more years to swipe right. I am cute! Let’s get on my motorcycle, go to a restaurant, and see what happens. If you need time to think about it, swipe right anyway. I am patient.
It’s not easy, the dating app game, but if you know what you’re looking for and stick to your standards, there are a lot of nice people to meet. Keep swiping until you find what you want!
